My Journey, Shifting Away From Negativity.
by Hajar Fatini
While I’m writing this, my self-esteem is at its lowest point. I’m on the edge of giving up myself. I feel like my life is at the corner of the cliff, hanging. That feeling of, “I am not good enough for anyone” keep appearing out of nowhere. Even while on the prayer mat, in the last rakaat of my sujood, I freaking bawled my eyes out. Tears are overflowing down through my soft cheek. I’ve been fighting this all alone.
These negative thoughts haunt and sneak into my house of mind, every now and then. You wanted to find your way out to run away from it, but it keeps on chasing and tracking you down. It knocks on your door, over and over again. It exhausts you, till you got no more energy to fight against your inner voices, inner self, the inner demons within yourself. To the extent, that you end up crying, at the corner of your bed. You crawl yourself up, you bend your leg and put your head in between of your knees. You are defeated by your emotion. You just let your tears streaming down your face. You cried in silence, without anyone witnessing.
You are just tired for feeling numbness, useless and worthless. All these dark whispering voices saying that “I’m not that someone people are worth having for”. You wanted to open up, letting people to dive into your world and stories. Opening the cage of your own emotions, but you are just, too scared. You are afraid of being rejected, afraid that people might not understand you. You are scared that no one’s going to sign up for this.
Whispering voices come again this time saying, “Why would people love you, if you don’t even love yourself? If you gave up on yourself, people too, will give up on you”. I was scared to reply any text messages in Whatsapp group with so many people in it because it felt the same thing as when you’re doing public speaking in front of audience. I was scared to answer a phone call from people that you’re not close enough. Even the simplest task feels so overwhelming.
The fear of being judged, fear of not doing good enough, the burden of carrying the blame that you put on your shoulder because you feel like you’ve hurt your friends. And somehow, it distracts you in your life and it stops you from doing your work, shifting your focus away. It makes your task, was left undone. Then, you’ll start feeling anxious of not finishing it on time. You’ll feel wronged, and you start blaming yourself. Again. You’re stuck in the vicious cycle. It vanished like a dust, and it appears again like a rock. Weighing you down.
But, on this one fine day, I don’t know what are the things that suddenly clicked me. I started to realize that staying on bed for too long and giving in into these world of negativity, won’t get me anywhere. Thinking too much of the negativity, won’t bring me any good. This is it! I need to do something. I can’t stay here, at the very same place for the whole time. If I don’t change now, when will it be? Another 5 years? 10 years? 50 years? The moon appears when the night comes, the sun will rise when the night is done. Time is passing by, day after day, and then you realized that you are now closer to death but you haven’t done anything.
So instead of staying on bed, I rushed myself to get up and opened up my laptop to write down all the things that are running through my mind on this blank pages. Throwing everything out. That’s right! I’m letting it all go. Enough is enough!
I hope all my negative thoughts up here won’t make you feel down, but instead, I wanted each one of you, who are reading this, who felt the same way as I do, to feel belonged, to feel that you’re not alone in this world, who are struggling as much as I do, to tell you, that it’s okay and normal to feel vulnerable, fragile, delicate and despair at some points. But remember! Never consume too much of the negativities until it grows in your mind. It will ties up your feet.
Negativity, is just like a poison, even the slightest drop of it, might kills and destroys you. Negativity that you keep within yourself by not telling anyone, will at one point affects your health. That’s when I think, that I need to start reaching the “right people” to help me. The “right people” that I meant was, by telling people about what you’re feeling with whom you know that won’t judge you. It can be your best friend, mom or your dad. In my case, I reached for the professional and specialist or someone who has been trained in mental health field; I met a counsellor.
Yes, I know, making the first step is always the hardest. You have never express and share your feelings to anyone. But by hook or by crook, you have to open up in order to get out of this negative zone. It took me actually around 3 weeks to pick up again all the little pieces of my confidence, and tried to build it back once again because my confidence is crumbled up for too long.
Getting a counselling therapy is not that bad. I booked a session for counselling therapy. You might be stuttered at first during your first experience of sharing stories, feeling and emotions, but the counsellor will lead you, they’ll comfort you. I know some people are just scared to meet professionals because they worried is it really I am in depression or just a typical sadness? Even after the therapy, if you’re not diagnosed with any depression or anxiety, if it’s other thing or just sadness and overthinking, then it is still okay to meet a counsellor because you don’t have to worry, professionals have their own way to help us. They’ve been trained. Getting a proper therapy and medication is very important.
One reminder I would like to tell people is that, never diagnosed depression or anxiety yourself. If you found out that you’re having all the symptoms, quickly meet the professional. I am so delighted to share with everyone the inspiring messages which are incredibly beautiful that comforted me and lifted me up during the counselling session;
Whenever you’re feeling burdened by the negative thoughts that creep into your mind and it makes your head feels heavy, it means that you’re telling yourself that you’re not like your negative thoughts. You’re not defined by that. You’re battling to prove that your negative thoughts are indeed wrong and you’re much better than that.
Empower yourself before you empower others. Along the way, you will empower others too. Acknowledging your self-worth and having self-love are the only things that matters.
At times, we might feel envy or jealous for the person over there. Envy of “Why does he look confidence all the time? Why I can’t be like that? How I can be like that person over there whose always positive the whole time? Why am I not like that?” You’re blaming yourself again and again. Remember not to push yourself too hard. Give yourself a chance to grow and adapt. That person might have trained himself for years until being positive becomes his habit and the only choice he has. People don’t see his struggle, they only see the outcome. Nobody said it’s going to be easy. Enjoy the process of your growth. Appreciate every inch of your experiences and the failures. Everyone is experiencing on a different journey and that’s what makes each of us unique. Never compare yourself to others.
We’re human anyways. Nothing happens overnight. It might take a long journey to change, but the most important thing is taking the action, making the first step. And along the way, you’ll improve yourself bit by bit. If you’re never giving up, I’m sure that at the end of the day, you’ll achieve your dreams, with Allah’s will.
The next way to shift away from negative thinking and overthinking is by immersing yourself to do the things that excite you. Believe me, it will help a lot. It can be anything either – painting, doodling, drawing, writing, reading and listening to poetry or any other forms of art because personally, I think art is therapy. Take brushes, dip it into the ocean of beautiful colours, let your fingers and hands groove following your instinct on the blank piece of paper, let imagination takes you where it wants to go. You can feel a sense of relief and satisfaction. You’ll craft a smile after seeing your artwork. The burden feels lighter and you’ll feel much better. Trust me, aite!
After all, despite of trying so many ways to shift our negativity, of course doing prayers, recites quran, du’a and zikr to Allah have always been the best and the most beautiful way for everyone to escape from sadness and negativities. Before doing other things, make these as your priorities. Whoever improve their prayers, will also improve their life.
Last but not least, I would like to end this writing with a short-letter to myself;
Dear me,
Promise yourself, that today will be your last time feeling this way. Enough is enough, life is always worth living! Seize the moment! You are not defined by your negative thoughts. Pause. Take a deeper breath, breathe in… out… in… out… Be grateful for the littlest things that Allah has given you, the big things that Allah has sent to you as a blessing and a gift. Pause. Look around. Appreciate those people around you. Never take them for granted. Stop hurting people. Fight against your inner demons. It’s time to let it all go. Give yourself a fresh start. Make the first step – indeed, nobody said it was easy. Stop pushing too hard on yourself.
Give yourself a chance and spaces to grow and adapt. Take it easy. If you’re stumbling, it’s okay. Give yourself a credit for taking the first step, for this daunting fight, for this battle that you had within yourself. I knew that you fought hard like a hero. Never ever quit, but you can always have a rest and get back on your feet, stronger than before! Fear not of making mistakes. You deserve a second chance to learn. Learning is a life-long journey! We’ll be taking different road from the others, but that’s okay. That’s what builds ‘YOU’ – YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF YOURSELF.
O’ Allah the Most Merciful, fill me with Your love, and also fill me with my own love to love myself, so that I can love others much better. With Allah’s will, InsyaAllah, Ameen. Goodbye, negativity!\
P/s: This article has been shared by the author at www.langitilahi.com (Click here)
“Negativity creeps into your mind like a sneaky thief, lurking behind shadows, stealing your confidence.”
– By Christine Bordeau (Quora).
While I’m writing this, my self-esteem is at its lowest point. I’m on the edge of giving up myself. I feel like my life is at the corner of the cliff, hanging. That feeling of, “I am not good enough for anyone” keep appearing out of nowhere. Even while on the prayer mat, in the last rakaat of my sujood, I freaking bawled my eyes out. Tears are overflowing down through my soft cheek. I’ve been fighting this all alone.
These negative thoughts haunt and sneak into my house of mind, every now and then. You wanted to find your way out to run away from it, but it keeps on chasing and tracking you down. It knocks on your door, over and over again. It exhausts you, till you got no more energy to fight against your inner voices, inner self, the inner demons within yourself. To the extent, that you end up crying, at the corner of your bed. You crawl yourself up, you bend your leg and put your head in between of your knees. You are defeated by your emotion. You just let your tears streaming down your face. You cried in silence, without anyone witnessing.
You are just tired for feeling numbness, useless and worthless. All these dark whispering voices saying that “I’m not that someone people are worth having for”. You wanted to open up, letting people to dive into your world and stories. Opening the cage of your own emotions, but you are just, too scared. You are afraid of being rejected, afraid that people might not understand you. You are scared that no one’s going to sign up for this.
Whispering voices come again this time saying, “Why would people love you, if you don’t even love yourself? If you gave up on yourself, people too, will give up on you”. I was scared to reply any text messages in Whatsapp group with so many people in it because it felt the same thing as when you’re doing public speaking in front of audience. I was scared to answer a phone call from people that you’re not close enough. Even the simplest task feels so overwhelming.
The fear of being judged, fear of not doing good enough, the burden of carrying the blame that you put on your shoulder because you feel like you’ve hurt your friends. And somehow, it distracts you in your life and it stops you from doing your work, shifting your focus away. It makes your task, was left undone. Then, you’ll start feeling anxious of not finishing it on time. You’ll feel wronged, and you start blaming yourself. Again. You’re stuck in the vicious cycle. It vanished like a dust, and it appears again like a rock. Weighing you down.
But, on this one fine day, I don’t know what are the things that suddenly clicked me. I started to realize that staying on bed for too long and giving in into these world of negativity, won’t get me anywhere. Thinking too much of the negativity, won’t bring me any good. This is it! I need to do something. I can’t stay here, at the very same place for the whole time. If I don’t change now, when will it be? Another 5 years? 10 years? 50 years? The moon appears when the night comes, the sun will rise when the night is done. Time is passing by, day after day, and then you realized that you are now closer to death but you haven’t done anything.
So instead of staying on bed, I rushed myself to get up and opened up my laptop to write down all the things that are running through my mind on this blank pages. Throwing everything out. That’s right! I’m letting it all go. Enough is enough!
I hope all my negative thoughts up here won’t make you feel down, but instead, I wanted each one of you, who are reading this, who felt the same way as I do, to feel belonged, to feel that you’re not alone in this world, who are struggling as much as I do, to tell you, that it’s okay and normal to feel vulnerable, fragile, delicate and despair at some points. But remember! Never consume too much of the negativities until it grows in your mind. It will ties up your feet.
Negativity, is just like a poison, even the slightest drop of it, might kills and destroys you. Negativity that you keep within yourself by not telling anyone, will at one point affects your health. That’s when I think, that I need to start reaching the “right people” to help me. The “right people” that I meant was, by telling people about what you’re feeling with whom you know that won’t judge you. It can be your best friend, mom or your dad. In my case, I reached for the professional and specialist or someone who has been trained in mental health field; I met a counsellor.
Yes, I know, making the first step is always the hardest. You have never express and share your feelings to anyone. But by hook or by crook, you have to open up in order to get out of this negative zone. It took me actually around 3 weeks to pick up again all the little pieces of my confidence, and tried to build it back once again because my confidence is crumbled up for too long.
Getting a counselling therapy is not that bad. I booked a session for counselling therapy. You might be stuttered at first during your first experience of sharing stories, feeling and emotions, but the counsellor will lead you, they’ll comfort you. I know some people are just scared to meet professionals because they worried is it really I am in depression or just a typical sadness? Even after the therapy, if you’re not diagnosed with any depression or anxiety, if it’s other thing or just sadness and overthinking, then it is still okay to meet a counsellor because you don’t have to worry, professionals have their own way to help us. They’ve been trained. Getting a proper therapy and medication is very important.
One reminder I would like to tell people is that, never diagnosed depression or anxiety yourself. If you found out that you’re having all the symptoms, quickly meet the professional. I am so delighted to share with everyone the inspiring messages which are incredibly beautiful that comforted me and lifted me up during the counselling session;
Whenever you’re feeling burdened by the negative thoughts that creep into your mind and it makes your head feels heavy, it means that you’re telling yourself that you’re not like your negative thoughts. You’re not defined by that. You’re battling to prove that your negative thoughts are indeed wrong and you’re much better than that.
Empower yourself before you empower others. Along the way, you will empower others too. Acknowledging your self-worth and having self-love are the only things that matters.
At times, we might feel envy or jealous for the person over there. Envy of “Why does he look confidence all the time? Why I can’t be like that? How I can be like that person over there whose always positive the whole time? Why am I not like that?” You’re blaming yourself again and again. Remember not to push yourself too hard. Give yourself a chance to grow and adapt. That person might have trained himself for years until being positive becomes his habit and the only choice he has. People don’t see his struggle, they only see the outcome. Nobody said it’s going to be easy. Enjoy the process of your growth. Appreciate every inch of your experiences and the failures. Everyone is experiencing on a different journey and that’s what makes each of us unique. Never compare yourself to others.
We’re human anyways. Nothing happens overnight. It might take a long journey to change, but the most important thing is taking the action, making the first step. And along the way, you’ll improve yourself bit by bit. If you’re never giving up, I’m sure that at the end of the day, you’ll achieve your dreams, with Allah’s will.
The next way to shift away from negative thinking and overthinking is by immersing yourself to do the things that excite you. Believe me, it will help a lot. It can be anything either – painting, doodling, drawing, writing, reading and listening to poetry or any other forms of art because personally, I think art is therapy. Take brushes, dip it into the ocean of beautiful colours, let your fingers and hands groove following your instinct on the blank piece of paper, let imagination takes you where it wants to go. You can feel a sense of relief and satisfaction. You’ll craft a smile after seeing your artwork. The burden feels lighter and you’ll feel much better. Trust me, aite!
After all, despite of trying so many ways to shift our negativity, of course doing prayers, recites quran, du’a and zikr to Allah have always been the best and the most beautiful way for everyone to escape from sadness and negativities. Before doing other things, make these as your priorities. Whoever improve their prayers, will also improve their life.
Last but not least, I would like to end this writing with a short-letter to myself;
Dear me,
Promise yourself, that today will be your last time feeling this way. Enough is enough, life is always worth living! Seize the moment! You are not defined by your negative thoughts. Pause. Take a deeper breath, breathe in… out… in… out… Be grateful for the littlest things that Allah has given you, the big things that Allah has sent to you as a blessing and a gift. Pause. Look around. Appreciate those people around you. Never take them for granted. Stop hurting people. Fight against your inner demons. It’s time to let it all go. Give yourself a fresh start. Make the first step – indeed, nobody said it was easy. Stop pushing too hard on yourself.
Give yourself a chance and spaces to grow and adapt. Take it easy. If you’re stumbling, it’s okay. Give yourself a credit for taking the first step, for this daunting fight, for this battle that you had within yourself. I knew that you fought hard like a hero. Never ever quit, but you can always have a rest and get back on your feet, stronger than before! Fear not of making mistakes. You deserve a second chance to learn. Learning is a life-long journey! We’ll be taking different road from the others, but that’s okay. That’s what builds ‘YOU’ – YOUR OWN DEFINITION OF YOURSELF.
O’ Allah the Most Merciful, fill me with Your love, and also fill me with my own love to love myself, so that I can love others much better. With Allah’s will, InsyaAllah, Ameen. Goodbye, negativity!\
P/s: This article has been shared by the author at www.langitilahi.com (Click here)
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